RANT!

When did it EVER become appropriate and acceptable to begin playing Christmas Commercials BEFORE Halloween!?!?! While I'm sure some retailers and advertisers would prefer to slip past my friction by calling them "Holiday Commercials"-- there's NO freakin' way Bing Crosby's "12 Days of Christmas" is Not a Christmas Ad; IT IS!

www.nytimes.com/2008/09/24/business/media/24adco.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss -

Stuart Elliot highlights the undertones of my deprecation in this article. The over-all acceptance of Early Christmas Advertising, whether it's print, online, or audio media, is telling of the Nation that is "US " [of A]....always out to make MORE money. Not just to "make money"...it's to make "MORE Money". There's a difference.

And conveniently, the marketing branches of retailers around have brain-washed us all into thinking we're saving money by ordering Christmas garb and gifts early. Honestly. I think we have finally come to a point in the evolution of the human brain where we are either Unable to read-between-the-lines and past the enticingly vague, literary advertising catch phrases like "Special" "limited" "SUPER" etc. or we're just too tripped out on caffeine, fast food, and stupid to realize how numb we are.

When I come across ads I think, "why...what makes it special?" "Just HOW limited is this product?" Because my instinct tells me, somewhere in Pennsylvania or Ohio there's a gigantic-ass warehouse with palates stacked 200 feet high and 300 yards long full of X, Y, and Z. But I guess with just over 3 million psycho-brain-washed-consumers in the country even that one warehouse isn't enough to keep us all happy. Good thing there's about 5 more in New York, and a dozen in California.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. But early ads are like getting a vaccination where the nurse hits the bone. *believe me it's sick...I watched a guy turn 4 shades of green and purple simultaneously in 7th grade. Worst stomach ache of my life, and I only witnessed it. [Probably the worst Hepatitis A shot of his life too] Black Friday makes me feel the same way. I mean we are a country that practically has a National-Go-Spend-Money-Like-There's-No-Tomorrow-And-Feel-Free-To-Swear-Cuss-Trample-Speed-Steal-And-Endanger-Anything-In-Your-Way-Day. Haha...if there were ever a National Holiday with that many hyphens I would sure as hell take part.

Conclusion: I don't want to hear about "White Christmases" without snow falling...or wreaths with big red bows on front doors and icicle lights hanging from the eaves. And I DON'T want to hear Mariah Carey telling me all she wants for Christmas is me, when I'm still 3 weeks away from enjoying my annual-food-coma (turkey and stuffing induced...okay and pumpkin pie).

Waiting for Baby(ies

I have no concrete ground/first-hand-experience to base the following presumptions on:

Waiting to have a baby must suck!? It has got to be like waiting to get out of the hospital (I suppose in theory it may literally be just that)...bad analogy.

It has got be like the internal turmoil of a 9 year old adolescent during the month of December....at that age, with that much Christmas music constantly bombarding your senses day in and day out (*there is a post soon coming about Christmas music/commercials), the Advent calendar has been ransacked of chocolates beneath the numbers 14-24 by the 12th of the month, and all presents have been shaken, lifted, and anaylzed at least 5 times a day.

Side note: unless your childhood was like mine, where presents weren't put under the tree until like 2 days before Christmas---what a jip!!

Back to babies. I'm not going to elaborate on what it is/takes to undergo 9 months of a person growing inside of you, let alone the process of getting that person out of you.... but I have a friend who's having a baby--Soonish. Very soonish. Days. Hours. And I constantly catch myself, double checking for text/picture messages on my cell phone---and my battery has never been below 2 bars for the past 2 weeks.

*Baby talk makes people weird...and I have noooooo desire to have any of my own at this time---but dammit I bet this baby is going to be beautiful. I want pictures. Now. And I'm tired of waiting. Today, I am THAT 9 Year Old.

Dear-ish Part 2.

HAHAHA... (in my groggy state from the previous post I failed---maybe intentionally--to include details)

...and as we departed our separate ways, she to my boss' car and I to my father's rickety-multiple-accident-survivor-of-a-Ford-pick-up-truck on a side street, she threw out a "It was nice to meet you, Jackson." *Dude. How rude of me?!

I coyly, peeked my face back around the corner of the building and returned sentiment with a smile and "Pleasure was mine.." *You're a moron Jackson.

[walking toward me]
"I feel like I should kiss you, since you've never kissed an Asian..."
[to my boss]
"Yeah, he's never kissed an Asian.."

And what on earth could I do and say in the moment, but submarine myself with that ridiculous scrambling-smile and an, "I don't know...I think you'll have to work a little harder than that to earn my first Asian kiss..." *As previously mentioned, You're a moron Jackson.

It was at that moment that I came out of the coherent-communication-clouding dream world I had been floating through the past 2 hours.... and stage whispered aloud, "You're an idiot Jackson!?" Yes it's true. I effin' talk to myself in tense moments...Thank god she wasn't in earshot.

So I desperately tagged on, "But I'll be in the Cities the 22nd and 23rd..." And in truth I would/will be...

And as she and my boss opened the doors to their ride of departure, she began to play hard to get, retreating with a forced, "Ohh?! No, you had your chance mister.. " :o)


*OKAY. so the combination of these two posts likely don't depict the entire story.

Like the fact that I picked up her tab, or that earlier in the night my boss had brought up the subject of Asian babies, and that she wants one, and that Miss-3L-Hamline and myself should work on that....[though we unanimously agreed that Asian babies are by far the most-adorable/cutest/most-attractive babies of all ethnicities] Or that my boss had also said, "So see, she can be the main provider while you are at culinary school, and her law career is taking off, and then you two can...[insert conversation about Asian babies and the two of us having them]..."

I don't necessarily believe in kissing on first dates, nor am I opposed to it, [and in this instance] nor do I necessarily believe in kissing on first introductions....nor am I opposed to it.

Let's face the facts: *You're a moron Jackson. A funny one. A nice one. A likeable moron. And you need some practice at getting phone numbers...but you're not a complete loss. Just a little whimsy. And you do have nice hair, and great hygiene and smell-superb even when you work out.

C'est la vie, Miss-3L-Hamline...c'est la vie...

...oh dear...

Okay... it's 2 something A.M. and I'm getting up to work in about....5 hours....

But I am a ridiculous mess of Sleepless in Decorah. Work tonight was utterly dreamy....

Who met/totally connected with another A-K (who grew up in a similar small town of Upper Midwest SE-MN) that is a 3rd year Law Student @ Hamline, who knows his boss(es), while he's bartending tonight>>>? This guy. Who was crazy-obviously-smiling-too-wide-too-often over himself and checking his hair and giving extra attention >>>? This guy. Who made the best cocktails he's ever made tonight>>> This GUY.

Wow. So lame. I'm laughing at myself....really. But it's nice.

Renewal of a World. Of a Country. Of a People. Of a Life.

At 10:00 PM C.S.T. on November 4th, 2008, The United States of America elected Senator Barack Obama as its new President Elect for the 2009-20012 Term.

Up to this point in my life, I have had a handful of exemplary people--role models, teachers, instructors, leaders (not necessarily adults either)--whose actions and words have given me vision and guidance toward resolutions to various difficulties and struggles I have engaged. I have silently harbored, endured and long wrestled with enormous questions, mystery, and a complex desire within myself--mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically--to identify; and to belong. To a place. To a community. To a label (because this is the current world which I live in....a world that is sold, comprised-of, persuaded-by, and educated from labels and categorizations). *Point in case: this blog has a function called "Labels for this post" ... Dramatically Ironic.

Tonight...amidst perhaps one of the most important speeches I've ever heard, I have found some relief to my internal turmoil through President Elect Barack Obama's words, in his campaign mantra, in his character... Relief in the witnessing of the way in which he stood with his wife and how he lifted and kissed his daughter... Relief in how he embraced his closest family and friends...and most importantly in the tone of his voice, the expression on his face, and how he addressed and spoke to my own heart (not to mention every listening ear in the world via tv's, computer broadcasts, and radios).

For a long long time....more than I care to disclose in detail, I have not wanted to be here. To be associated. To be labled under the titles and headings which I often have little choice in toting behind my name, my character, my identity. For a long time I have struggled with the label as an "American." It has haunted, confused, angered, saddened and befuddled me in contrast to the other label I bear as a "Korean" or more specifically a "Korean Adoptee."

But tonight I believe. I believe and feel like I have purpose, and value, and impact here...in Iowa...the Midwest...America....as an Iowan. As a Midwesterner. And as an American. A Korean American. An American Korean. A Korean Adopted American. Tonight I've regained what I've always hoped and sometimes thought I have understood about myself. Tonight I have found renewal in my capability to believe in a possibility, to believe in an ideology, in theology, in human-self-determination and independence, in the impact one voice can make, in the ability of the human spirit to unify...in the potential for the dreams which I write nightly in my private journal to come true....

Tonight I feel empowered, inspired, and encouraged in my Belief in Change and my Hope for the people of the world, of my countries, of my American Government, and of my own ambitions, dreams, and life goals...and I am soo ready to be part of the reason those things find success.

Dark Seekers and Light Seekers

Lately, I haven't been sleeping well. I have been having some absurd dreams! Just bizarre dreams. I have been sleeping, just not sleeping "well." And not "Normal" either. I'm waking up at random hours of the night and then being held captive by my own thoughts. So I guess "falling asleep" has been somewhat of a task also.

I recently had a conversation with my mom about what she refers to as my "sleeping habits" or "sleeping practices." It was a weird conversation in general, as the two of us haven't been speaking a whole lot on a regular basis, and then all of a sudden we were talking about the concepts of sleep. I realize, that sounds kinda like a nose-dive-depressing-Mother-Son-relationship with an ever-growing chasm, but I think our lack of communication has been mostly due to the fact that her work days and my work days simply do not align--and with the combination of my dad having been out of the country the past month and my mom returning to work the past few weeks, I think her mind has simply been preoccupied. Regardless, the conversation with my mom has brought me to see something that I've never really accepted about myself until now:

I have ALWAYS had a hard time sleeping. ALWAYS. My mom told me that when I was a baby, like a "baby baby"--- she would sit up late at night while I threw tantrums in my crib. And when I grew to the point where I was smart enough to get out of my crib, she would sit on the floor holding the door shut while I beat on it from the other side screaming and crying. [eventually I would wear myself out from all of my kicking and yelling, fall asleep obstructing the door's ability to open freely, and then my mom would slowly open the door and nudge my body with it until she could enter the doorway and put me back in my crib.

In Elementary school I did a lot of sleep talking and walking at night. I had a huge fear of the dark---and in some respects I suppose I've never really shaken that fear of the dark either. I slept with a night light until I was 13, and my glow in the dark ceiling stars were always on, as well as the hallway light directly outside my door. In Middle School, I figured out that the radio or music/cd's playing helped me get to sleep at night. Top 40 Radio...Jewel's "Foolish Games"...Savage Garden, N'Sync etc. Wow.

In high school and college, my sleep patterns evolved to where I would either pop in a DVD or fall asleep with the T.V. on in the background. I love that noise of the screen when the TVs on, but the main volume is virtually inaudible. My frustrations with falling asleep lie in the fact that night time generally offers the most "continual silence" of my days---which is ironically what my brain needs to operate and think the best; i.e. homework, leisure reading, working, etc. So as I try to reason this out cold-turkey: When my body should and wants to fall asleep, my brain is telling my body I've just reached prime Thinking Capability and that I should be productive and do things while I'm still "on fire." Thus in high school, I would go to bed at like 11---but would lay awake until 2 or 3 in the morning; eventually using that time to do homework, read, journal, doodle, and I may or may not admit to having re-arranged my furniture/room twice in one night.

I've also come to dislike sleeping under the covers after a past soccer accident. My mom and I talked about "where" I fall asleep---which is often on the couch with a blanket rather than "in my bed."

Also, I can fall asleep in the most odd positions...like in arm chairs with my legs over the back and my head half on an arm-rest. Or wedged in a corner....

I suppose I'm going to close this blog for now, blaming and pointing my finger at Silence as the culprit to my sleeping woes. I half-heartedly laugh remembering that I've always had a difficulty with sleep, and think to myself, "Don't worry, you've always been a bit odd, and confused."

So if you have sleep remedies, by all means send them my way. **Though I've already counted thousands of sheep, goats, and fish...Work can be a killer---I think I deserve a vacation. Where would I vacation?! I think that's for an up-coming blog. For now, I'll keep seeking the Dark with a Light on.

To The Travelers

Oh Adventurous One,
What sights hast thou eyes laiden? What rivers hast thou traversed? What mountains hast thou engaged and surveyed, from atop, the splendor of all that surrounds you?

Oh Adventurous One,
What trees hast thou swung from? What skies hast thou rested under, what rains hast thou run through? What rocks hast thou danced upon in the waning hours of day?

Oh Adventurous One,
The earth gently gives way to the path you walk. Even the grass, bending in the breeze, lays down quietly beneath your feet.

Do take your time while away...you aren't missing anything that can't wait for another day..