A Post for Paul

Yesterday I found out a very dear friend of our family, Paul, had passed away. He was a remarkable and incredibly gifted man, who lived a very fullfilled life, but had been dealing with Alzheimer's for quite some time. Anyways--my mother and I took the past day and a half to make the vacant rooms in our house (count 'em:..1..2...3), suitable for any of Paul's relatives traveling to Decorah to stay in while they are here for the next few days rather than renting hotel rooms.

Two of his grandchildren are staying with us. One is a current Luther student and her brother, a recent Seminary grad, and his wife are also staying.

I have been thinking back on all of the home stays that I've been the recipient of in my life time. Tours and trips with music ensembles, weekends crammed like sardines with my Ultimate Frisbee team mates in someone's basement or camping in a stranger's backyard for tournaments. It's quite a concept, opening up one's most personal and private space (their home) to strangers.....I think we're called to do that with our hearts as well.

Very grateful to have our guests staying with us the next few days. Very grateful for the gifts and reminders their grandfather and his wife have taught me over the course of my growing up..... shine down Paul. Shine down.

Gorgeous Tuesday

And it's mine for the taking. outside. lunch date. coffee shop hopping. Hair cut. perhaps a round of golf!!

Hot Day

It's officially Summer 2010, at least by calendar standards..

And if that's not enough, the heat/humidity has finally made a legit appearance. So what did I do? Go for a kick ass run of course, in my new shorts from Spain (courtesy Bran-Man). The sweat-proof sun block was out, the shades were on, the iPod cranked and I'm feeling good about myself.

Feeling Forgotten on Arrival Day

....well, 24 years ago I was escorted to America on this day. In our younger childhood days, my family would celebrate these respective days for my siblings and myself.

But today I felt like I was not remembered. Maybe my family has grown out of the "Hooray!" factor as the 3 of us have gotten older? We didn't do anything to celebrate this day. It was not mentioned or spoken of.

Maybe I've been forgotten in the fall out of my brother returning from a month in Spain 2 days ago, and Father's Day yesterday..... but I feel like Father's Day would be a pretty blatant reminder of the day that directly follows it.

And I can't sleep....

So much privilege...

Gulp.

I was given a large sum of money today in the mail. How did it come to be this family, and these relatives? Why me? How did it come to be?

I guess the best answer is just going to be vague: "It's the world I live in." It feels like a lazy cop-out from attempted reasoning, but part of me is 85% convicted by it. That was supposed to be semi-funny.

Anyways...I feel very fortunate. And I have a couple of options how to utilize this gift. Part of it may go towards my car loan, another portion towards my savings and ROTH IRA (never too early to start thinking about having my own private place in the Carribean years down the road....or Lake Como, Italy....or Cape Town..) and then a bit for more immediate expenses. Golfing. A long over due massage...

And still some towards a career oriented move of some sorts... or a trip to the Motherland. much to contemplate.

s

A 'whole' Society-Contributing Citizen

One thing I'm working on in my self improvement quest is staying involved in "current events/happenings" both domestic and abroad.

I understand stock market principles and basic economics, but don't spend nearly the minimal time I should to better understand the ripple effect it has on our economy and societal ways. I read on the news this morning that there's some 30 schools being closed in Detroit over the summer.

That's a lot of pink slips. And lots of re-zoning. And lots of families unable to perhaps pay for their children's education....where does this put us? Me?

haze...

I had a shit of a work day today...... it did not end well. Actually a shit of a week in general.... my life is very weird and challenging right now. I feel unprepared and unsure of what I'm doing. Sometimes daily. I can't quiet my mind and my thoughts...and consequently my seIlf prognosis-acute-insomnia has been keeping my eyes red and my body fatigued due to only a couple hours of sleep a night.

So after a shit week and a shit day of work....I resorted to my old coping mechanism...I went running in the rain.....for 2 hours...

It might not sound healthy....but it felt good.

And tonight---I watched Forrest Gump, one of my all time favorite movies ever. I find such a connection with it's story lines...It reminded me of why Love is something worth looking for. Because watching Tom Hanks cry--talking to his wife's grave--after recently finding he was a father, ties the mystery and the internal pain of my own life to something tangible.

Knowing that I'm not the only person who has ever stood in front of a headstone, listened to the birds and the wind in the trees...talking to the blades of grass at my feet. Asking big questions knowing the only response I'll get is the wind...

Story and parallels aside, it's a wonderfully made movie from a critical standpoint. And my night is just a little better now....

Monday by the Lake

I spent all afternoon yesterday around Lake Calhoun, basking in the sun, watching all the runners, bikers, and TC residents who were thinking just like I was: SEIZE IT

I read a book all afternoon. IT was the MOST GLORIOUS DAY. Caps lock = totally appropriate.

Haven't felt that depth of happiness in a long time.

I'm going to make some changes in the future...they could be hairy/scary. [exhale].

Breaking Away

I need to get away for awhile....and re-center.