Halloween? Not a fan.

I don't like Halloween. I don't get into Halloween. Grumpy Gills? Maybe. What's the big deal about it? It seems to me, year after year, this Holiday turns into a ridiculous contest...
"who's going to have the most creative costume" ---> And How can I out-do, everyone else.

And of course there's always the standard naughty bumble bee or whatever. The Dirty Pirate Hooker. Gender-Stereotyped costumes on little kids. Someone will almost undoubtedly be dressed as "white trash." Dare I call all of these, Halloween Classic Costumes....ick. It's all bad news. They all negatively reinforce something in some-way or another.

And someone WILL in fact, have a better costume. AND someone WILL in fact be jealous, and make some low-line comments. And like always, Halloween becomes a dramatic, costume covered, night of high-wire Competition, fueled by a steady supply of cocktails, beer, and shinanigans.

Me. I'm more into the pumpkin pie. And even Jack-O'lantern carving. That's festive right? Lame.

Monday Night Dinner for Mom and Dad

Pan Seared Fillet of [Locally Caught] Brown Trout in lemon oil, butter and herbs----thanks Fisherman Bob.

Boiled Yukon Gold Potatoes with Crimini Mushrooms slow roasted in White Truffle Oil, fresh rosemary, and white onions

and a side of my favorite: Peas, Carrots, and White Onion softened in a Yellow Miso Broth.


dig it.


Two words: Very pleased.
:o) more for the recipe book....

IN SEASON

Today lindsey and i made homemade apple sauce. And Apple Crisp. *Baker's Note: Macintosh and Cortland apples = Great for baking. Slightly sweeter, more firm and meaty. Real butter. Brown sugar and your classic fall spices!


Trust me...your envy can't be big enough. :o)

Such a great Saturday morning...

Self Confidence

I'm a really good writer. I should do that more. Or blog. Or both. Wonder why I don't.

Hit the Road Jack

Okay. post, well over-due. I bought my first car last week. It's quite the experience (car searching and car buying). I love my new car. It's become a bit of an obsession, which I don't feel that embarrassed about. Freedom.

For Kitty

We are a certain "breed," a certain "type of person." We are those who operate high octane lives (admittedly sometimes by choice) and find success and sanity through our consistent routines. We are those who fill our heads with countless bits of data, information, experiences, names, knowledge, and sound-bits from the outside world, but rage our own internal battle each day, siphoning the pieces of larger mysteries. We are those who force our bodies through extreme physical submission; substituting wellness components with a double or triple espresso shot, a bowl of peas, and cheese slices "en route" instead of the cancellation and re-scheduling we should probably consider. *And we find pleasure in following it up with 2 and a half hours of excessive running, diving, jumping, and yelling all on account of a plastic disc. It is this beautiful canvas of complex and diverse energy that represents us.

Loss has brought sad days. And undoubtedly difficult transitions in your life.

may you continue to walk and breathe effort into the beautiful life you've created
may you laugh with delight at life's hilarious subtleties
may you do your Goofy Happy dance with disregard for where you are or who's around you
may you explore the world with the curiosity of the kitty we miss so much
may you heed the lessons that I've learned from you;

-surround yourself with love
-remember that you are blessed beyond belief
-You are there for me, and I am here for you

- you're never too far behind your opponent for the layout-bid, so never give up on the play...

thinking of you.

A month later, Bridging Korean Camps

It's been a month since my last post.

Presently I don't have the time to fill that sort of an absence in this (one) sitting, but I simply can not stay away any longer. Camp Choson was absolutely incredible. This was a summer of Choson in which my first "batch" of campers were now the eldest. And I was humbled by their growth, their leadership, and the spirit within each of them. It was bittersweet and yet affirming, to know and witness how much my continued involvement with that camp had meant to their lives; and very sad to know that they were at a point where they wouldn't be back in camper form---but hopefully still connected perhaps even in the role of Day Camp Counselors. It made me feel old, it made me feel valued, and my heart felt so FULL. I don't like to admit it, but I know I need those people. I live my life in a semi-ignorant mode, telling myself "I'm fine without those people"; out of my own fear that someday, my life will move me away from them, whether it's career related or otherwise. So I try to pretend that I can live away from them; when I really know that inside I'm an internal wreck everyday that we're apart. Those kids, are some of the brightest most resilient humans I know. Their stories are shocking, and it frustrates me that they're forced to "grow up" so fast--- robbed of their "youth" and forced to deal with adult problems at the age of 14. And they just keep showing up. Living their lives. They're my role models. I learn from them. It's why our relationship is so special. We learn from one another...and we know.

And here I am, blogging from Korean Adoption Means Pride [KAMP] back in Iowa. I was reluctant and nervous to come back to KAMP, the result of finding ourselves in a transitioning phase, staff is beginning to thin out, a new Board, and working with a new Co-Coordinator this year---but not really working with her. Add in some very headstrong staff members, and some very "reliable-but-unreliable" ones, and a shortage in Intern Counselor Applications left my stomach in knots. ***which is funny, since I didn't even know who was on staff until about a month ago---that's right, My staff was Chosen FOR ME....their applications were NOT sent to me.... Awesome. Rant over. Anwyways-- if my Choson campers can keep showing up in spite of the shit they live through, then I should be able to do the same. After all, KAMP must go on. And we have 106 KAMPers this year!!!! Which makes my heart soar. Seriously. Forget the fact that this is a family camp so moms, dads, brothers and sisters are all around all the time, which inflicts a lot of difficulties, forget that the entire site is run down-poorly-managed and in need of a HUGE renovation, forget that my staff is underpaid and generally over-worked.....we show up because we need this, and the KAMPers do too. We show up for them. The number of KAMPers this year makes me reminiscent of MY childhood at this camp. When the numbers were consistently in the 100s year after year, and the Staff was made of ALL-STARS!!!! The numbers this year, though 74 of the 100-some are K-6, make me hope and think that with the right leadership, KAMP can rebound in the next 3 years. It's a possibility. An attainable possibility.

My life has moved very fast the past couple weeks. A promotion. A salary. A reason to stick around for awhile longer---and make/save more money just a bit longer before setting out on an adventure for myself. The welcoming I have gotten from staff, from parents, from kids, from the Board, has been so affirming of my abilities here. I often feel unqualified for the position, phony even. But I've always been my biggest critic. At the start of this week, I thought this would be my last year working for KAMP, at least for an indefinite amount of time. I have been coming to this camp for 17 years. I've been on staff for 8 years now, and Co-Coordinating/Directing this camp for 4 years now. And now I know I just can't leave this year. There's no one here to head this staff....but me. And this staff is dwindling which leaves me scared for the future; so recruiting will be a huge part of the success of the next years. I have a drive within right now---and I just can not leave "home" without knowing that my KAMPers are in good hands. Without being certain that they'll have this place as I always did. So I'm choosing to stay. I'm choosing to Show Up. I'm choosing to return. To make this place better. To fix up the crap. Sometimes things don't change on their own, and sometimes no-one else is either A) willing to or B) present to create change----as a very wise man once said, "YOU must BE the Change you want to see in the world." This is MY KAMP. This is MY HOME. These are MY FAMILY members. And they deserve better. I believe that they can have better.

So blogger. Keep your chin up. And your mind open. And your heart always ready for more. And I'll do the same. I'll make room in my busy busy life, for all of you, KAMP. Because you fearlessly show me how much this means to you. More to come soon...