So much privilege...

Gulp.

I was given a large sum of money today in the mail. How did it come to be this family, and these relatives? Why me? How did it come to be?

I guess the best answer is just going to be vague: "It's the world I live in." It feels like a lazy cop-out from attempted reasoning, but part of me is 85% convicted by it. That was supposed to be semi-funny.

Anyways...I feel very fortunate. And I have a couple of options how to utilize this gift. Part of it may go towards my car loan, another portion towards my savings and ROTH IRA (never too early to start thinking about having my own private place in the Carribean years down the road....or Lake Como, Italy....or Cape Town..) and then a bit for more immediate expenses. Golfing. A long over due massage...

And still some towards a career oriented move of some sorts... or a trip to the Motherland. much to contemplate.

s

A 'whole' Society-Contributing Citizen

One thing I'm working on in my self improvement quest is staying involved in "current events/happenings" both domestic and abroad.

I understand stock market principles and basic economics, but don't spend nearly the minimal time I should to better understand the ripple effect it has on our economy and societal ways. I read on the news this morning that there's some 30 schools being closed in Detroit over the summer.

That's a lot of pink slips. And lots of re-zoning. And lots of families unable to perhaps pay for their children's education....where does this put us? Me?

haze...

I had a shit of a work day today...... it did not end well. Actually a shit of a week in general.... my life is very weird and challenging right now. I feel unprepared and unsure of what I'm doing. Sometimes daily. I can't quiet my mind and my thoughts...and consequently my seIlf prognosis-acute-insomnia has been keeping my eyes red and my body fatigued due to only a couple hours of sleep a night.

So after a shit week and a shit day of work....I resorted to my old coping mechanism...I went running in the rain.....for 2 hours...

It might not sound healthy....but it felt good.

And tonight---I watched Forrest Gump, one of my all time favorite movies ever. I find such a connection with it's story lines...It reminded me of why Love is something worth looking for. Because watching Tom Hanks cry--talking to his wife's grave--after recently finding he was a father, ties the mystery and the internal pain of my own life to something tangible.

Knowing that I'm not the only person who has ever stood in front of a headstone, listened to the birds and the wind in the trees...talking to the blades of grass at my feet. Asking big questions knowing the only response I'll get is the wind...

Story and parallels aside, it's a wonderfully made movie from a critical standpoint. And my night is just a little better now....

Monday by the Lake

I spent all afternoon yesterday around Lake Calhoun, basking in the sun, watching all the runners, bikers, and TC residents who were thinking just like I was: SEIZE IT

I read a book all afternoon. IT was the MOST GLORIOUS DAY. Caps lock = totally appropriate.

Haven't felt that depth of happiness in a long time.

I'm going to make some changes in the future...they could be hairy/scary. [exhale].

Breaking Away

I need to get away for awhile....and re-center.

How will we live?

http://english.aljazeera.net/news/middleeast/2010/05/201051081849739152.html

What if it was our country...what would we call a system that forces 65 percent of one ethnic/racial group into poverty? What would we call a system that forces 75 percent of this ethnic/racial group's children into poverty, along with 45% of its own children in poverty? What would we call this system that discriminates based on an ethnic/racial group in "planning and construction, exploitation of land, and minimal investment in physical infrastructure and government and municipal services?" What do we call a system that strips a people of its land (based on race/ethnicity), builds homes for the people in power, and then issues few permits for housing construction of this subordinate population since the occupation started?

Does this resemble segregation in the US? Does this resemble Apartheid in South Africa? Does this remind the United States of our dark past of colonization (manifest destiny) and stripping indigenous peoples and Mexicans of the lands where they resided on the continent of North America? Does this remind us of our current policies of immigration enforcement during the 2000s? Does this resemble gentrification in US metropolitan centers? Does this resemble suburban Europe with its policies of isolation and exclusion for North Africans and other immigrants? Have we fallen so far from grace that we cannot see the systems within our own borders?

Are we able to make this world better, not just for the few, but for all? Are we able put our personal ambitions and self-justifications away for the sake of the common good? Are we able to be a compassionate people struggling for liberation and reconciliation, instead of domination and isolation? Are we able to live with love, grace, and service, instead of hate, apathy, and selfishness? Are we able to co-exist together, instead of destroying and bringing each other down? Can we see each other, not as competitors, strangers, or enemies, but as neighbors, brothers and sisters....as one race, one Human race? How will we live?

Found it in the kitchen

I need to cook everyday. I find such pleasure and satisfaction in it. In the complete process. Of searching for products, organizing, preparing and then balancing all with heat/cold and gastro-chem.

I do this. I will have reason to be happy. Every day.

1 + 1 = duh.